Two Tourney Battles, 30th May 2013

Hello people, long time no see!

The reason for the lengthy delay between BRs was that a tournament I was supposed to attend during the first days of March was canceled. It's highly unfortunate. Players from Slovenia and Romania were supposed to be attending, which would've resulted in a massive clash of metagames, plus I was really looking forward to meeting some actual vampires and their gypsy servants (FACT: Romania is a country populated exclusively by these two personality types), but alas, it was not to be. At least I finally took the time to finish painting my vindicators.

The tournament format was the usual. 1850 pts armies, 3 battles, a mix of rulebook and ETC missions, standard bonus rules + Nemesis rule (whichever unit scores First Blood becomes worth 1 victory point to the opponent). My list:

STEEL SLAYERS STRIKEFORCE:

Captain Dolf Hummerdgern (Lysander counts-as)

Tactical Squad RED – flamer, combiflamer, plasma cannon, rhino

Tactical Squad YELLOW – flamer, combiflamer, plasma cannon, rhino

Tactical Squad GREEN – flamer, combiflamer, missile launcher, rhino

5 Hammernators

Land Speeder – multimelta & heavy flamer

Land Speeder – multimelta & heavy flamer

Attack Bike – multimelta

Vindicator – siege shield

Vindicator – siege shield

Aegis Defense Line - quad-gun

TOTAL: 1850

I didn't even have a list when I arrived at the tournament and had to write one up right at the spot. The reason for this lack of vision was that I was too busy getting high on StarCraft 2: Heart of the Swarm to spend time thinking about 40k lists. I just included whatever models I had with me and called it a day. Not much to say about the tactics here. Rush at MEQ/gunlines and murder them. Auto-lose against fliers and hordes.

FIRST BATTLE – RIDJI'S TYRANIDS

12” deployment. Five objectives, each worth 3 points. One in the middle, one in each quarter. Useless warlord traits. Opponent had a horde army. Three tervigons, a bunch of gaunts, two venomthropes, two units of three hive guard, and a unit of three carnifexes with devourers. We deployed across each other. I combat squaded everything. My plan was to crush his right flank and take the objective in his right quarter, while somehow holding his left flank on his half of the table. I got 2^nd turn and failed to seize initiative.

(I forgot to mark the central objective, but you can see it on the photo)

TURN 1:

Night fighting. Tyranids advance. Tervigons buff the fexes with run-and-shoot and feel no pain. A rhino is shot and blown up by the hive guard, scoring first blood. One marine perishes in the explosion.

I move my LR, a rhino with a combat squad, and the attack bike forward. The right-side hive guard unit is illuminated by the rhino's searchlight and one hive guard is killed by quad-gun fire. Overall, my shooting is inefficient.

TURN 2:

Tyranids keep coming. Tervigons spit out a crapton of gaunts, blocking the path of my LR. A vindicator eats up a ton of fire, but eventually succumbs to devourer spam.

Things already look as hopeless as I expected they would be. I manage to wipe out the right-side hive guard unit, gaining nemesis. Some wounds are inflicted here and there, yet it's not enough.

TURN 3:

More gaunts are born, creating a huge screen in front of my LR. The attack bike gets eaten by a swarm of devourer beetles. The remaining vindicator's demolisher cannon is blasted off by the hive guard. The combat squad manning the quad-gun is shot up and only sergeant Jurgen is left standing. He promptly fails his morale check and almost runs off the board.

The LR plows directly through the gaunts, getting into range of the objective. The gun-less vindicator moves forward to serve as mobile wall in face of the nid advance. Jurgen regroups and – being really pissed off at the tyranids for critically injuring his best buddy, gunner Albrecht – rushes back to the quad-gun and mows down two out of three of the hive guard. The combat squad on the far right side disembarks and roasts some 20+ gaunts with flamer fire, avenging the attack bike.

TURN 4:

The tervigons crap out more new gaunts than I've managed to kill in the previous turn. Fuck my life. The said gaunts shoot up and then assault the combat squad on the far right side. The tervigon assaults my LR, but only manages to plink off two hull points. The rest of the swarm moves in on the poor tacticals in my deployment zone.

I barbecue some gaunts, just for the laughs. Then I murder the tervigon with Lysander & the hammernators. Needless to say, the battle is effectively over for me, so I surrender.

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

My list wasn't able to deal with a horde army. Even if I could've forced my way through all those gaunts, I still had no hope of taking down the bucketful of T6 wounds on his MCs and hive guard. Vindicators are great vs MEQ and vehicles, but they're sadly lacking vs multiple wound models they can't insta-kill. The positioning of the objectives exacerbated the problem, while the fact he got first turn was the final screw in the sarcophagus for me.

SECOND BATTLE – IGOR'S TAU

Table quarters deployment. Big guns never tire. Useless warlord traits. Three objectives, two of which ended up in my deployment zone. I only ever faced Tau once before, and that was back in 5^th, so I knew nothing about them except that their shooting can give you testicular carcinoma. The opponent's army consisted of two units of 12 fire warriors, an aegis defense line with a quad-gun, one piranha with a meltagun, two large skimmers (one with a railgun, another with a plasma that doesn't frickin' get hot, as well as constant 3+ cover saves, screw you xeno scum), a unit of deep striking tau commandos, a big unit of kroot, a trio of heavy mecha with railguns and shield drones, a mecha commander, and a squad of mini-mecha with plasmaguns and a small army of shield drones. I deployed my stuff with the intention of reaching his objective as early as turn 2, to which he responded by ignoring his objective and deploying everything on the other side of the table. I got to go first, and he failed to seize the initiative.

TURN 1:

Night fighting. I advance with my LR, vindicators, and attack bike, while the rhino with a combat squad moves in to take the opponent's objective. Shooting is negligible.

Opponent re-positions a little and uses marker lights to lower my cover saves, but no relevant damage is inflicted.

TURN 2:

Both speeders show up. One scatters into terrain and gets immobilized. The other scatters 12” and ends up right next to the fire warriors. LR, attack bike, and a vindicator rush forward. The center vindicator abandons cover and drops its pieplate on the squad of mini-mecha, scoring a direct hit... Which kills a few shield drones. A bunch of xeno troops are roasted alive and their quad-gun is left unmanned.

The commandos and the kroot arrive. The commandos deep strike close to tau objective and wreck the combat squad's rhino. The kroot outflank at my table edge and plink a hull point off a rhino there. Railguns blow up my LR and the center vindicator, while the piranha wrecks the immobilized speeder. The other speeder takes a bazillion hits from the fire warriors and the big skimmers, yet somehow remains unscathed.

TURN 3:

Payback time. The kroot are mowed down by combined plasma, flamer, and bolter fire, reducing their unit to a single model. The commandos are likewise reduced to two models, as well as pinned. The remaining speeder hops forward and shoots the big railgun skimmer into the ass with its multimelta, destroying its missile launcher and incinerating a few fire warriors in the process. Lysander & the hammernators charge the enemy quad-gun and break it, earning themselves quite a bit of extra movement.

Piranha turbo-boosts close to my table edge, while the mini-mecha advance and try to vaporize the rhino behind my aegis defense line, but it makes its cover saves. The hurt big skimmer levitates away. Terminators are shot up and three of them fall. The last speeder is wrecked.

TURN 4:

I finish off the commandos and the kroot, securing two objectives. Lysander & the remaining two hammernators advance. More shield drones are taken out. The right-side combat squad in the rhino rushes to the aid of their buddies at my middle objective.

Piranha goes in, shoots its melta at the rhino, and the rhino passes its smoke cover save. The mini-mecha eschew shooting for the sake of rushing forward as fast as possible, intent on denying my objective.

TURN 5:

Lysander finally gets into combat, decimating the depleted fire warrior squad. I shoot everything I have at the mecha and the piranha, resulting in more dead shield drones, but little other benefit.

The last two hammernators die to tau guns, leaving only Lysander with 2 wounds. The mini-mecha jump forward to contest the objective. The piranha blows up the incoming rhino, killing one marine in the process and pinning the remaining four.

TURN 6:

I tank-shock the mini-mecha unit with my last rhino, pushing them away from the objective, then charge them with a combat squad. The tac squad looses the fight, but is stubborn and doesn't flee, which is exactly what I was hoping for. Lysander charges the big plasma skimmer. The outcome of this assault adhered to statistical expectations, ie. a disintegrated skimmer.

Lysander takes more shots to the face and gets reduced to a single wound. The piranha tries to take out the vindicator, to no avail. The mini-mecha remain locked in assault with the last remaining member of that combat squad. Game ends. I win with 3 objectives.

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

I had a lot going for me in this match. Not only were two out of three objectives in my deployment zone, the placement of opponent's objective ensured I could safely take it without him being able to do much about it. Getting night fighting and first turn helped immensely. I made the mistake of assuming my opponent would deploy around his objective, whereas I would've been better off putting my LR and vindicators into the middle. The battle itself was quite satisfying. For once, I didn't feel like a runt trying to survive in a world of big hungry dogs, my army played like an actual marine force rather than some weird power armored gunline. Even my tactical marines were pretty reliable, fending off threats and doing their job without needing specialist units to babysit them. Feels good man. 

THIRD BATTLE – LUKA'S DAEMONS

Kill points. 12” deployment. He had two units of plaguebearers, a bunch of khorne dogs, four flying MCs, and a great unclean one. It was basically the same list as what Nenad, the daemon player who steamrolled me twice before, tended to field, only weaker and more boring to play against. Seriously, not only did deployment take forever, we also had to spend about 10 minutes rolling for a bazillion different lesser, greater, exalted etc. gifts for his MCs, and then every turn each one of his MCs had to cast 2-3 buff spells and then I had to roll separately for all of my units to see if it would suffer a syphilis outbreak or something. Opponent also managed to seize the initiative and zoom into my no-skyfire face on turn 1. It was so pointless I conceded on turn 3. The entire battle can be summed up with this picture:

OVERALL AFTERTHOUGHTS:

This was kinda depressing. 6^th edition is imbalanced to the point where I literally have no idea how to beat certain armies without resorting to stuff like mass fliers or spam-laden gunlines or other such obnoxiousness. Whatever balanced all-comers army I come up with, even with allies, ends up being hard-countered by certain other common list types. I find I enjoy the game a lot when I play against Imperium/CSM armies, yet the entire ruleset turns into rock-paper-scissor-rapetrain as soon as I find myself facing xeno/daemon dexes, with both me and my opponent playing on autopilot towards a predetermined outcome. Combine this with the cost of new models, the fact I already have a ton of unpainted stuff, and StarCraft being a lot of fun at a much lower expense, and I can't see myself expanding my 40k army much in the foreseeable future.

Don't take me wrong, I'll still keep playing 40k, reading Black Library novels, attending local tournaments, and writing battle reports. It's just that sometimes the flaws become so glaring they take a heavy toll on the fun factor, and even the most devout space marine commander finds himself beset by doubt.

THOUGHTS ON THE NEW DAEMONS CODEX:

Short version: Flamers and Screamers got nerfed. Best day of my life.

Long version: Looks like a stillborn to me. Nothing in the book strikes me as anything other than mediocre, subpar, gimmicky, and/or boring. It kinda reminds me of 4^th ed Tyranids; a bunch of expensive MCs supported by a mass of fast expendable infantry... Except now the MCs can fly and you can't customize anything. Maybe they're gonna be putting out some strong balanced lists, but I doubt it (except of course the mass flying MCs lists, which are going to be the bane of all-comers armies in much the same way cronair and other such stuff already is). The new chariots share the same basic design as Land Speeder Vengeance, which is to say they're glass cannons that will at best get a single shot off before they're wrecked. Unlike the Vengeance, however, they look awesome and are quite affordable points-wise so we might actually see them on the tabletop.

As for the randomness... I shit you not I puked a little in my mouth when I saw the warp storm chart and all the random weapons/powers people are supposed to keep track of. 6^th edition already has craptons of dumb rolls that rarely have any effect aside from slowing down the game (Remember that time when you actually used the mysterious objective bonus that allows the unit holding it to reroll to hit rolls of 1? Yeah, me neither.) and now you get to throw a die for every unit on the table, pretty much every single turn, and then, if one or more of those is a 6, you get to roll some more to scatter/wound/save. In other words, not only does it make the shooting phase a drag, this totally random, totally unavoidable, totally godawful table is as likely to cause your daemon opponent's units to self-terminate as it is to completely ruin your day, and there's not a thing you can do about it.

Nevertheless, this book is a good thing. Daemons are no longer playing a different, easy-mode version of 40k. In other words, they now have to worry about fundamental game mechanics such as deployment, cover, instant death, and getting their expensive close combat dudes neutered by an empty rhino with a big “HAHA I JUST DELAYED YOUR CHARGE BY ANOTHER TURN, BITCH” sign on it. This means they'll require a lot more skill and forethought in order to be successful, especially if their units are as underwhelming as they seem at first glance. Keep in mind that, if I'm correct and they turn out to be a weak dex, it's still better for the game to contain a few garbage books that have a hard time winning, than it is to sport a couple super-duper-broken armies that everyone has to play/ally with in order to stand a chance in a tournament.

THOUGHTS ON STARCRAFT 2: HEART OF THE SWARM

The long awaited first expansion for SC2 has finally arrived and it's a truly fine piece of software. Aside from all the usual content (terrains, units, maps, achievements, campaign, cinematics, improved graphics, etc.), it also provides unranked matchmaking system as well as a vs computer matchmaking. These are designed to instantly put you up against opponents of a skill level roughly equal to your own, but without actually affecting your league placement. This makes it an excellent option when it comes to getting back into the game or testing new strategies before applying them on the ladder. There's also a leveling system, meaning you gain experience points from killing and building units, which is a fun mechanic similar to achievements. Oh and, we can once again see our win-loss record in ranked matches.

The single-player campaign has awesome gameplay. Each mission has its own gimmicks and unique elements, while the between-missions evolutions and dialogues on board the leviathan are entertaining, useful, and overall far better executed than that Hyperion crap from Wings of Liberty. Multiple choice missions have been done away with, praise the Omnissiah, characters follow the quality over quantity philosophy, and the annoying newscasts have gone the way of the squats.

The story itself is an unbelievably god awful mess. Even if you're the sort of moron video gaming enthusiast who isn't bothered by inconsistent characterization, plot holes so numerous and massive a fleet of battlecruisers could fly through them, or the kind of frustrating retcons that make a mockery of established fluff for the sake of throwaway missions, you still can't help but be annoyed by the sheer amount of Hollywoodesque cliches, deus ex machinas, and terrible writing on display. If there's one positive thing that can be said about HotS story, it's that it at least has a character arc and a meaningful progression, unlike the schizophrenic filler-laden clusterfuck that was WoL narrative. Seriously though, that's like saying Revenge of the Shit is better than The Phaggot Menace, or that AIDS is preferable to cancer. It's probably true, but you still wouldn't want it on your worst enemy.

In case you're foolish enough not to take everything I say as gospel, here's a fantastic article on WoL story, as well as a great (if a little soft around the edges) post about the shortcomings of HotS narrative. And another one. The internet is also full of people pointing out inconsistencies and plot holes, so do some googling if you feel like making yourself sad.

Mini-Tournament 16.2.2013. Vulkan Ownage!

Greetings my fellow 40k-ers, here's another triple battle report for your viewing pleasure.

Before I begin, let me say how thrilled I am about the “Death From the Skies” supplement. Seriously, stormravens not only make vanilla more competitive, they also make close combat dreadnoughts and stormtalons a lot more desirable because they provide them with reliable assault transport and awesome target saturation, respectively. This not only opens up a variety of new lists and tactics, it actually turns vanilla into a nice ally option for other armies. For example, a nullzone libby, a tac squad, a stormraven, and perhaps a stormtalon or 5 hammernators strike me as a neat addition to armies who lack their own (good) fliers, such as space wolves, tau, eldar, dark angels, etc. Also, skyhammer stormtalons that cost the same as rifleman dreads are insanely good. Food for thought.

1850 pts armies, rulebook missions + the nemesis special rule. The nemesis special rule states that any unit who scores first blood is automatically worth one victory point if destroyed. My list:

Captain Adolf von Klinkerhofen (Vulkan counts as)

Tactical Squad RED – flamer, combiflamer, plasma cannon, rhino

Tactical Squad YELLOW – flamer, combiflamer, plasma cannon, rhino

Tactical Squad GREEN – flamer, combiflamer, missile launcher

5x Hammernators

2x multimelta Attack Bikes

Land Speeder – heavy flamer & multimelta

Land Speeder – heavy flamer & multimelta

Land Raider Godhammer – multimelta

Vindicator – dozer blade

Vindicator – dozer blade

Aegis Defense Line – quad-gun

TOTAL: 1850 pts

The plan (short version): turn 1 – rush towards the enemy, turn 2 – kill everything. The plan (long version): I definitely want to get first turn. Tactical Squad Green sits behind aegis defense line & mans the quad-gun and maybe holds an objective, while plasma cannon combat squads camp in terrain. Everything else turbo-boosts forward. Bikes move 24" in front of the vehicles to give them cover saves. If opponent has barrages or something else that negates standard cover, tanks move 12" and pop smoke. Speeders deep strike. Turn 2, everything comes in 6-24" range and makes someone's mother cry.

FUN FACT: I'll forever hold Vulkan close to my heart because he's the first HQ I have ever fielded and the one I took my baby steps with. When I started 40k in early 5^th edition, all my lists typically consisted of Vulkan & hammernators in a LR, with three tactical squads with MLs, flamers, combiflamers, power fists, and rhinos. 1500 pts armies were the standard back then. Needless to say, there weren't many points leftover for other stuff, so I tended to lose whenever someone immobilized or destroyed my LR early on. However, due to the fact I was one of few mech players back then (and mech was overpowered in 5^th) and that my regular opponents were tyranids, ultramarines, world eaters, necrons, and blood angels, I actually managed to win the majority of my games. I even believed I was an awesome general. Good times.

FIRST BATTLE – LUKA'S SPACE WOLVES

You may remember this guy from the goddamn LOS-blocking hill battle report. Guess what, we ended up playing on a table with the same oversized hill again. The good news, however, was that he was fielding a pure drop pod list, so the hill wasn't going to come into play. Four of his five pods were full of wolf guard with combiplasmas and combimeltas, plus two terminators, one with assault cannon, another with hammer & shield. The fifth pod carried Logan Grimnar, Arjac Rockfist, and three more th/ss termies. The mission was four objectives (each worth 3 VPs), 12" deployment. He wins the roll-off and decides to give me the first turn. I deploy in a defensive position to make it hard for combimeltas to get into 6" range. My plan is to basically be a rock and let him break against me.

TURN 1:

I spread out and pop smoke with all my vehicles.

Three drop pods, one of them containing Logan & his hammernators, arrive. The left-side rhino is blown up by meltas. The right-side vindicator is immobilized by Arjac's hammer.

TURN 2:

Both speeders arrive. One scatters off the table, resulting in a mishap that has it placed in the upper right corner. Undaunted, its driver steps on the pedal and turbo-boosts back towards my deployment zone. Lots of shooting occurs, killing plenty of wolf guard and one of Logan's terminator buddies. Hammernators try to charge Logan & co, but roll poorly and fail their charge. The centermost wolf guard squad is assaulted by Vulkan, who kills four of them. They inflict two wounds on him, lose combat, and manage to flee, leaving him in the open.

The remaining two drop pods arrive. Vulkan is plasmaed to death. The surviving two wolf guard from the squad Vulkan charged rally and assault a plasma cannon combat squad. Hammernators are shot at by combiplasmas and two of them go down. They then fail their leadership test and run off the board. Logan & co assault and wipe out a combat squad. I'm hating life.

TURN 3:

I turbo-boost the right-side rhino with a combat squad inside into the midfield, so it can grab an objective in the opponent's deployment zone and score linebreaker. The left-side vindicator turns to face the wolf guard squad between it and the LR, and in a moment of true beauty pays for itself and probably for its twin brother by vaporizing 7 out of 8 of them with a single shot. My tacs, attack bikes, speeder, and LR mop up, opening fire on the remaining wolf guard, but failing to wipe them out. My combat squad kills the last wolf guard in combat and consolidates.

Opponent moves his surviving wolf guard squad up and attempts a multiple assault, but shoots too well and ends up taking out his primary target. Logan & co assault the quad-gun crew and the immobilized vindicator, with predictable results.

TURN 4:

My left-most combat squads gets epic terrain and run moves, managing to reach the other objective in the opponent's deployment zone. The rest of my army takes out a drop pod as well as the last few wolf guards. The mishapped speeder finally arrives and joins the fun.

Logan & co charge the closest combat squad, stomp them into the ground, and move into midfield.

TURN 5:

I point all my guns at Logan's unit. The last two terminators are turned into molten slag. Both Arjac and the Great Wolf are reduced to a single wound each. At that point I'm pretty confident I'm going to win. Logan & Arjac are stuck in midfield, far away from the two objectives I hold, and unlikely to be able to do anything meaningful. Then, to my horror, they fail their morale test, resulting in a 11" retreat + 3" regroup, which enables the two of them to...

...Get close enough to assault one of my two remaining combat squads, decimate them, and then seize the objective, possibly resulting in a draw thanks to a single failed leadership test. Thankfully, the match goes on for another turn.

TURNS 6 & 7:

The left-side vindicator moves into terrain, shoots at Arjac and Logan, and scores a direct hit, mowing both of them down and winning me the battle. Overall, that one 120 pts tank took out 700+ pts of deathstar/wolf guard during the course of the match. It's almost as if Lando himself was piloting it.

The rest of the 6^th turn and all of the 7^th is spent wrecking drop pods, resulting in me winning by tabling the opponent.

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

I botched up my deployment and first turn, allowing Arjac and combimelta wolf guard to get within 6" of my LR and right-side vindicator. I also had the disadvantages of going first and getting the table side with a single objective, but I dealt with it well, if I do may say so. My dice rolls during the first couple of turns were depressing, what with hammernators running off the board and Vulkan getting shot up like a total chump. Logan & Arjac failing a ld10 roll and getting a free 14" move that almost won/tied them the game was frustrating.

SECOND BATTLE – OTA'S ORKS

Nob bikerz list, the first one I've ever faced. Two big units, each with a powerklaw warboss, boss pole, painboy, cybork bodies, two powerklaws, big choppas, and combiscorchas. Also, a unit of four outflanking deffkoptas with rokkits. Three objectives, one in the middle worth 3 pts, one in your deployment zone worth 2 pts, the one in opponent's deployment zone worth 4 pts. Diagonal/table quarters deployment. He gets first turn and night fighting is active. I place my objective on top of a wrecked building, preventing him from being able to contest it. The central objective is inside the middle ruin. I put one combat squad with a rhino in reserve. My plan was to shoot most of his nobz to death and then go medieval on the remainders with vulkan & th/ss termies, at which point I would grab either the objective in the middle or the one in his deployment zone with the reserved combat squad.

TURN 1:

The bikers advance. The left-side unit remains rather far back though.

I smell blood and go all out on the right-side bikerz unit, determined to wipe them out fast. They're pretty close, so the LR leaves the safety of the defense line in order to disembark my th/ss termies into 2-3" range of the closest nob. Regrettably, my shooting ends up being too effective, killing so many nobz that my terminators remain too far away and fail their charge.

TURN 2:

Deffkoptas stay in reserve. The right-side warboss leaves his unit and assaults the attack bikes, wiping them out. The three surviving bikerz pull back to contest the objective in their deployment zone. The other biker unit shoots up the terminators, killing 3, and then multiple-charges them and the LR but, to my misfortune, fails to wipe them out, meaning they're locked in combat and safe from my shooting. The LR is stunned.

Speeders arrive from reserve, both of them deep striking around the opponent's objective, both scattering too far to be able to use their flamers. I move one of my rhinos up, creating a mini-wall to prevent them from getting more charges off in the following turn. The warboss who slaughtered the attack bikes is shot to death. During assault phase, the two terminators finally die.

TURN 3:

Deffkoptas are still in reserve. The three bikerz at the opponent's objective move down and destroy the speeder. The big nob unit in the middle shoots like crazy, but fails to destroy the rhino. They then assault the LR and the rhino, stripping another two hull points off the LR and exploding the rhino.

Rhino combat squad arrives from reserves and rushes towards the opponent's objective. I open fire, killing and wounding a bunch of nobz as well as injuring the warboss.

TURN 4:

Deffkoptas arrive and blast the combat squad rhino to pieces. The three bikerz then assault the combat squad and, although they suffer some wounds from overwatch, they manage to decimate them without any casualties. The warboss keeps hitting the LR, failing to do anything to it. The middle nobz multiple-assault the quad-gun combat squad and the nearby vindicator, destroying them all.

I shoot my depleted guns at the nobz, killing some, but it's not enough. Furthermore, I assault the warboss with Vulkan, hoping to strip his last wound before he gets to swing. Vulkan's dice suck, however, and he ends up getting powerklawed by the warboss.

TURN 5:

Middle nobz are pulled back to contest the middle objective. Warboss assaults and destroys the second vindicator.

Shooting from combat squads finally strips the warboss of his last wound. The remaining speeder moves in on the three nobz at the opponent's objective and sends all three of them to green heaven. Game ends. Opponent wins 5-4.

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

I've made serious mistakes in this match. Getting greedy and disembarking my hammernators on first turn was by far the worst. If I had managed to pull that charge off, I probably would've been able to wipe out the entire unit and keep my attack bikes, but failure to do so would result in my LR & termies being left in the open to die, effectively stripping me of my counter-charge unit early on, which is exactly what happened. It was an unnecessary gamble, and it ended up biting me in the ass. I would've been much better off keeping my vindicators and LR further back, and bubble-wrapping them with a pair of flamer combat squads. Speaking of which, I should've kept pulling my left-side vindicator back during turns 2 & 3, instead of leaving it vulnerable to a multiple assault. Reserving that rhino combat squad for a late game objective grab wasn't such a bad idea, but it relied on me being able to quickly take out at least one of the two nob units. Aside from all this, it was my first time facing a nob bikerz list and to be honest I have underestimated them. A lesson well learned.

THIRD BATTLE – BOCA'S BLOOD ANGELS

6 objectives, one in the center of each 1/6 of the table. Objectives in your deployment zone are worth 2 pts, the ones in middle 3 pts, and the ones in opponent's deployment zone 4 pts. Annoying table-sides deployment. His was a weird list. It consisted of a minimal sniper squad, Dante, a small unit of sanguinary guard, 10 assault marines with meltaguns and a sanguinary priest, a stormraven, and ~20 tactical terminators with assault cannons. He had first turn. I was expecting him to combat squad and deep strike everything while hiding the scouts behind terrain, only to be surprised when he placed his termies on the table and infiltrated his scouts on top of the central building. I responded to this the way any self-respecting ultramarine successor should when faced with a band of bloodthirsty power-armored mutants: by deploying in a massive gunline. I had no intention whatsoever of going for his objectives, or even the ones in the middle.

TURN 1:

His terminators advance towards me, rolling 1s and 2s on their run rolls. Snipers shoot, but being scouts they don't do crap.

A rhino illuminates the left/upper terminator squad with its searchlight, and a couple are killed by shooting. The other rhino illuminates the scouts and the rest of my army shoots at them, killing three. I spread out my infantry and bikes behind my land raider and vindicators to make it harder for the incoming meltas get into range.

TURN 2:

Dante arrives with the sanguinary guard, deepstriking behind my lines. Assault marines appear right in front of my LR. Terminators advance. Assaulters shoot at the LR, yet their meltaguns are impotent. Dante fires his melta pistol at a vindicator, but his gun is no match for its indomitable rear armor. Just kidding, it blew up like Christian Bale on the set of Terminator 4.

Both speeders arrive. One attempts to roast the scouts, only to scatter out of template range and roast the termies instead. The other is placed behind the upper terminator unit so it can provoke them into wasting shots or even assaulting it, but it too scatters too far to use its flamer. Still, it manages to snipe the assault cannon guy. Vulkan & the combat squads disembark and burn the crap out of assault marines, leaving only the priest alive. Hammernators disembark so they can charge Dante & co, but it's unnecessary, as my shooting is more than sufficient to vaporize the entire unit. Lastly, empty rhinos turbo-boost forward to block the path of the incoming terminators.

TURN 3:

Stormraven still refuses to arrive. Sanguinary priest assaults the speeder in the middle, and fails to do anything to it. Terminators do some more walking.

Vulkan & the hammernators return to the LR. I try to move the middle speeder up to take out the scouts, but it fails its terrain test and is immobilized. My combat squads move forward to serve as bait for the incoming terminators. The sanguinary priest takes a bolt to the face. For some reason, I try to tank shock the lower terminator unit, resulting in a successful death-or-glory and a disintegrated rhino. The vindicator tries to move over the aegis defense line and manages to immobilize itself despite having a dozer blade. Oh well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

TURN 4:

Stormraven arrives and tries to dislodge some of my combat squads at the objectives. One terminator unit takes the bait and assaults a combat squad, killing four marines and putting themselves in perfect assault range of my hammernators. The other advances and shoots a bit.

I disembark my hammernators. However, once again they don't get to kill anything because my shooting destroys the offending terminators before they can charge. As for the other terminator unit, all but one are gunned down. The speeder turbo boosts to the top of the central building so it can succeed where its twin failed ie. killing the snipers.

TURN 5:

Stormraven keeps attacking the combat squad at the lower objective, but they go to ground behind the defense line and it fails to wipe them out. Scouts assault the speeder, to no effect.

Sergeant Jurgen & gunner Albrecht pump the stormraven full of quad-gun bullets, blowing it to pieces. Hammernators charge the last remaining blood angel terminator, and the resulting combat is as one-sided as you can imagine. The speeder opens fire on the two scouts, killing one. Game ends, with just one scout standing between me and a victory by tabling.

AFTERTHOUGTHS:

I had many things going for me here. My dice were incredibly good, my opponent's list was far from optimized, the deployment was the best I could hope for, and I even got to pick my side. From then on, it was a matter of withstanding his 2^nd turn alpha strike and then retaliating with overwhelming firepower.

OVERALL AFTERTHOUGHTS:

I really enjoyed this tournament. Opponents had cool in-yo-face armies, resulting in close-fought matches and plenty of epic moments. Also, taking Vulkan out for a ride had a lot of nostalgia value for me. I ended up getting 2nd place on the tournament and winning a box of blue GW dice. Yay!

Strange thing I noticed: unless I'm playing against imperial guard, I always end up turtling while my opponent tries to bash my skull in. This happens even when I bring out assault/short range armies such as this Vulkan list or the Lysander list I fielded in my first battle report. I have no idea why this is so. Maybe my lists are imbalanced in favor of passive play. Or maybe my opponents are more offensive-minded than me. Or maybe the vanilla dex can't really support a truly aggressive playstyle. Or hell, maybe I'm just a pussy.

Sadly, although Vulkan is a pretty cool guy, I can't justify fielding him in 6^th ed. The loss of combat tactics is a considerable liability, and so is his price tag, while meltas & flamers are just not all that hot in this age of plasma, feel no pain, T5, and footsloggers. To top it all off, he's just a 3 attack captain-equivalent with an AP4 template, an AP3 spear, and no eternal warrior. A list with plenty of plasmagun/combiplasma tacticals, in las/plas razorbacks, led by a naked null zone + avenger librarian, just seems like a superior all-comers option, especially since my local metagame is almost 100% MEQ. Come to think of it, Vulkan is so expensive I could easily replace him with a naked libby + an allied DA libby with a power field generator. 4++ vindicators, anyone?

Mini-Tournament 19.01.2012.

Hello dear readers! I'm writing to you from Zlatibor, a beautiful mountain in Serbia where I went with my buddy Fat Gage for a week of long walks, composing Serbian folk music, and chilling with books, movies, and blackberry wine. I'm going to warn you right away, this may be the last you hear from me. Fat Gage's girlfriend plans to visit us for a couple days and she's threatening to bring her jumbo-sized wingwoman in hopes of hooking her up with me. After I told her I'd rather hump Fat Gage than come within earthshaker cannon range of her friend (at least he has long hair) she started telling me how her voracious friend is into super-kinky stuff, so now I'm genuinely afraid. Pray to the Emperor for me, my brothers, for the time of ending might truly be at hand.

Three battles. 1850 pts armies. Entire tournament had a special “Nemesis” rule, which means that any unit who scores first blood automatically becomes worth 1 victory point to the opponent. I really like this rule and hope they'll use it every tournament from now on. My list:

STEEL SLAYERS TASKFORCE:

Brother Manfred, Librarian – terminator armor, null zone, avenger

Tactical Squad "Red" – meltagun, combimelta, plasma cannon, rhino

Tactical Squad "Yellow" – flamer, combiflamer, plasma cannon, rhino

Tactical Squad "Green" – flamer, combiflamer, plasma cannon, rhino

5x Hammernators – land raider godhammer with multimelta

Brother Hanz, Dreadnought – 2x twinlinked autocannon

Vindicator – dozer blade

Vindicator – dozer blade

Devastator Squad – 3x missile launcher

Aegis Defense Line – quad-gun

Obviously, this is an evolution of my list from the previous tournament. I got rid of the bikes as I didn't require so much anti-tank, and added an aegis defense line with a quad gun for some much-needed skyfire. I decided to spend the remaining points on a minimal devastator squad with three missile launchers, which is the first time I've used crapastators in a serious list. I did this because 1) someone has to man the quad-gun, 2) three missile launchers and a BS5 quad-gun are good against anything, and 3) none of the alternatives (combipred, two mm/hf speeders, pair of attack bikes, multimelta dread, small sternguard unit, another HQ) struck my fancy. My original idea was to have a missile launcher combat squad on the gun, but then I'd be forced to combat squad even in KP missions, or have an entire 10 men squad on the job.

FUN FACT: Blood/Dark Angels pay 130 pts for five devastators with four missile launchers. My five devs with three missile launchers cost 135 pts. To the uninitiated, this might seem like a bad case of codex creep, but they are clearly not acquainted with the Steel Slayer's own sergeant Jurgen and gunner Albrecht, two great men whose skill with a quad-gun is legendary, as you shall see soon enough.

FIRST BATTLE – NENAD'S DAEMONS

Yeah, it's the same guy who tabled me at the previous tournament. Same list, too. Fateweaver, bloodthirster, two units of three flamers, two big units of screamers, nurgle daemon prince, three units of plaguebearers, and a soul grinder. Kill points. 24” short sides deployment. He goes first. I deploy in a defensive formation behind my aegis defense line, with my rhinos up front and my vehicles spaced out in a way that made it hard/impossible for him to deep strike behind my units or cover more than one vehicle under a flamer template.

TURN 1:

Night fighting. Fateweaver, bloodthirster, soul grinder, daemon prince, and two units of screamers (his desired wave) all get HIT on their scatter dice, deploying north of my position. I interceptor-fire at the bloodthirster, achieving nothing. Bloodthirster vector-strikes one of my vindicators, wrecking it. Screamers turbo over the devastators, dispatching three missile launcher guys and gunner Albrecht, leaving sergeant Jurgen all alone.

Now, short of crazy luck, I knew my army had no hope of beating his, so I decided to disembark everything except Manfred the Librarian and make the daemons work for their victory. Null zone is activated. Land Raider scores a penetrating hit on the soul grinder, but only plinks off a hull point. Two tactical squads rapid fire the upper screamer unit, killing a few. Remaining vindicator and the third tac squad fire at the second screamer group, which is then finished off by the hammernators.

TURN 2:

The rest of the daemons arrive. One flamer unit gets a mishap and is placed on the opposite corner of the table, which will prevent it from doing anything for the remainder of the battle. Fateweaver flies in. Screamers fly into the midst of my army, assaulting and destroying a rhino and brother Hanz. Flamers scorch some tacticals. Daemon prince lands and assaults a rhino and a tactical squad. Bloodthirster lands and assaults the hammernators, killing their sergeant in a challenge.

Null zone is activated again, nullifying invulnerable save rerolls from Fateweaver. Tacticals rapid fire the remaining screamers to death. The LR plinks off another hull point from the soul grinder. Two out of three flamers are shot back to the warp. At this point, sergeant Jurgen decides he's had it with these motherfucking daemons on this motherfucking table, grabs his quad-gun, and kills frickin' Fateweaver in a single round of shooting. Like a boss, man. Like a boss.

TURN 3:

Plaguebearers advance towards my lines. Daemon prince finishes off a tactical squad and immobilizes a rhino. Bloodthirster slaughters all hammernators except one. The last one manages to flee combat and ends up running off the table. Bloodthirster still has 3 wounds left.

Null zone goes off for the third time. The combined fire from the LR, the quad-gun, and the tactical squads is too much for the bloodthirster, who succumbs to his wounds. The vindicator demolishes a few plaguebearers.

TURN 4:

The last flamer jumps in and kills some tacticals. The daemon prince and the arriving plaguebearers gang up on sergeant Jurgen and the tacticals at the quad-gun. Soul grinder shoots the vindicator, shaking it and preventing it from using its cannon, leaving it at a single hull point.

Null zone again. The last flamer is destroyed by bolter fire. LR gets yet another penetrating hit on the soul grinder, and again fails to kill it, reducing it to one HP. The wounded vindicator moves back behind the defense line.

TURN 5:

Plaguebearers and the daemon prince assault and lock down the last tactical squad. The daemon prince performs a multiple assault and blows up the LR. Plaguebearers assault the vindicator, but fail to do anything.

The vindicator moves aside and gets off one final shot at the soul grinder, destroying it at long last. Manfred the librarian walks out of the wreckage of his land raider, kills one plaguebearer with the avenger, and then assaults them, killing another one and suffering no wounds in turn. We roll for the 6^th turn, but the battle ends. My opponent wins with 13 points to my 8.

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

Quite an entertaining battle. My reckless last stand ended up working much better than my usual careful approach. Sergeant Jurgen inflicting 3 wounds on a flying Fateweaver was epic. Sadly, apart from wasting my hammernators on the bloodthirster, I don't think I've made any mistakes. This is bad, because it really highlights how out of sync with the other dexes daemons are right now. Let's just hope they get a new dex soon, and that someone sensible (*cough*Phil Kelly*cough*) is the author.

SECOND BATTLE - NO1'S IMPERIAL GUARD WITH BA ALLIES

Table quarters deployment. Two objectives, each worth 3 points. He gets first turn. His army consists of a basilisk, lord commissar, two veteran squads in chimeras, leman russ vanquisher (big anti-tank gun), leman russ punisher (big anti-infantry gun), vendetta with another unit of veterans, stormraven, reclusiarch, big unit of death company, and a death company dread. My plan is as crude as it gets: close the distance quickly and kill him in assault/short-range shooting, claim his objective, and stop him from claiming mine.

TURN 1:

Night fighting. I fail to seize the initiative. Most of my stuff is outside 36” range and his shooting does nothing.

I rush forward and pop smoke on most of my vehicles. My shooting is useless.

TURN 2:

Vendetta and stormraven arrive. Interceptor-fire takes off a hull point from the stormraven. The quad-gun is shot and destroyed. He shoots some more at my stuff, but his rolls suck and nothing else is wrecked.

I move forward and fire at his stuff, but my rolls are likewise crappy and I don't inflict any real damage. I make the mistake of not advancing with my land raider and instead trying to take out his storm raven with snap shots, which doesn't work.

TURN 3:

Vendetta flies in and blows up brother Hanz, getting first blood. The rest of his army keeps shooting but doesn't do a thing.

My combat squads and LR move into assault range. I finally manage to take out the basilisk, but the rest of my guns do nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, these are officially some of the most ineffective shooting phases in 40k history.

TURN 4:

Death company, veterans, and the dread all disembark from their fliers. The two vindicators and a rhino are wrecked. Veterans kill three out of five devastators. Death company decimates the combat squad holding my objective while the dread assaults another combat squad, and looses two hull points to krak grenades. The battery on my camera dies, forcing me to resort to my cellphone for photos.

Tacticals, hammernators, and Manfred the librarian all disembark, ready to smash some heads, but shooting fails again and they end up having to assault a chimera and the punisher. Hammernators vs chimera fight is as one-sided as you can imagine. Tacticals, being notoriously bad at assaults, fail to do anything to the punisher. I have no idea why I didn't just multiple-assault both vehicles with my hammernators. One of my tactical squads runs and takes control of the opponent's objective. The remaining combat squad in my deployment zone and the two remaining devastators shoot at the veterans, killing some. The devs then assault them, but their assault doesn't do jack.

TURN 5:

Lots of useless shooting. Death company kills the last tacticals in my deployment zone. Death company dread assists the veterans and kills the remaining two devs.

Manfred, having been wounded in the chimera explosion, runs back into the LR. Veteran squad is wiped out by tacticals with flamers, while the LR blows up the chimera containing the lord commissar. Hammernators assault the commissar's squad and deliver the Emperor's Justice to them, getting Slay the Warlord. Another combat squad reaches the opponent's objective.

At this point, we both have linebreaker, the opponent has first blood, I have slay the warlord, and I'm controlling his objective. I would've won by 3 points, if only the game had ended on 5^th or 6^th turn. Alas, it goes on for two more turns and the opponent manages to embark the veterans into the vendetta, and then disembark them on my objective. He also spends two turns shooting at my tacticals on his objective, kills some, yet ultimately fails to budge them. I keep trying to wreck his vendetta with my LR (as that would earn me the nemesis point), but my guns fail me once again. The game ends with turn 7. Draw.

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

We both had terrible shooting dice, but it was still a pretty intense match nevertheless. I made a mistake of not advancing my LR on turn 2, as then I'd be assaulting a turn earlier. It was doubly stupid because even if I had moved 12”, it still wouldn't make my LR any less effective vs the stormraven as I'd still be hitting on 6s.

By the way, I really, really, really wish vanilla had access to stormraven gunships. I'd instantly replace my LR with one. Not only would it offer some much-needed skyfire (even with Jurgen & Albrecht to man it, a quad-gun is still just a single gun), it would also inspire me to buy an ironclad dread, too. Let's all pray to the Emperor GW includes it in the next vanilla dex.

THIRD BATTLE – STEVA'S BLOOD ANGELS

12” deployment. Mission: the Relic. I get first turn. His army consists of: mephiston, two squads of five devastators with four missile launchers, full squad of sniper scouts, two full squads of assault marines with double meltaguns and power fist, two baal predators with flamestorm cannons, stormraven, eight death company with a power fist, and a sanguinary priest. My intention is to grab the objective on turn 2, then take it back behind the aegis defense line and camp with it, while maintaining a kill zone in the middle. My opponent tells me he's going to reserve everything except the scouts, the dev squads, and mephiston, and outflank the predators. That's the word he uses: reserve. He never explains that his assault squads are combat squadded, either. Keep this in mind for later. He also has a buddy who's acting as his advisor, so I'm basically playing against two generals, not one. Oh well.

TURN 1:

Night fighting. I move my flamer combat squad up to the central building so they can grab the relic on the next turn, and advance with my land raider and one vindicator so they can shoot at the scouts in the ruin. I manage to gun down a scout and a devastator sergeant.

He pulls the surviving scouts behind the ruin. Mephiston flies forward and assaults the rhino with the combat squad, blowing it up. One marine is killed in the explosion.

TURN 2:

I'm expecting his army to start arriving from his table edge (he said he's coming from reserve, remember?) so I move one of my vindicators out of cover and pop smoke. Hammernators disembark from the LR and move close to Mephiston. Mephiston gets shot at a bit and losses two wounds. Combat squad climbs onto the building and tries to seize the relic, but is short one inch. Hammernators charge. Mephiston throws a challenge, which I accept. He kills a terminator sergeant and we remain locked in combat, which is awesome, because it keeps my hammernators safe from shooting in his following turn.

Surprise, surprise, my opponent tells me his assault marines are actually deep striking, and claims he has told me this during deployment. His stormraven, his assault combat squads, and one predator all arrive. Melta squads arrive in melta range of LR and one of my vindicators. One of the assault squads mishaps and gets placed on the far right corner. Stormraven goes for the LR, too. Quad-gun interceptor-fires at it, scoring four hits, but my opponent doesn't want to do evasive maneuvers. I score a single penetrating hit and stun the stormraven. The predator incinerates 4 out of 5 marines on my left. 

Then the following exchange takes place:

Him: “Two meltaguns fire at the LR.”

*rolls snake eyes*

Me: “Excellent.”

Him: “Crap... Stormraven multimelta shoots at LR.”

*rolls to hit, hits, fails to penetrate*

Me (grinning): “Nice, nice, keep it up.”

Him (biting his lips): “Two meltaguns shoot at vindicator's side armor.”

*rolls a 1 and a 2*

Me (laughing and pumping my fist): “Good job, my man! Good job!”

His turn ends with Mephiston getting his face busted by the remaining hammernators.

TURN 3:

Vindicators reposition themselves to get good shooting lanes at the assault marines. The combat squad finally seizes the relic. The other flamer squad disembarks and rapid fire the scouts, killing one. Vindicator gets a direct hit on the melta squad, vaporizing four dudes. The last marine there is then cut down by autocannon fire. The other melta squad is wiped out by combined fire from the other vindicator and two plasma cannons. Snapshots are taken at the storm raven, to no avail. Meltagun combat squad and the hammernators stomp the sanguinary priest squad, leaving just the priest alive (he flees combat).

Being stunned, the stormraven cannot turn and has to keep moving 36”, and ends up flying off the table. Baal predator turbos into my aegis defense line. The other baal predator doesn't arrive. There's some impotent shooting. The sanguinary priest tries to assault the combat squad with the relic, only to die horribly to dual-flamer overwatch.

TURN 4:

The combat squad with the relic makes their way down the building and embarks the LR. I pull my hammernators back in anticipation of the stormraven's arrival. My entire army shoots at his baal predator, but he passes all his jink cover saves (I discovered later that baal predators don't have jink and therefore don't get 5+ cover saves when they turbo-boost, but my opponent supposedly didn't know that). Brother Hanz assaults it, but fails to inflict a telling blow.

The second baal predator arrives on my left. Stormraven arrives and flies to the same spot as before, intent on blowing up the Land Raider. Sergeant Jurgen & gunner Albrecht interceptor-fire at it, scoring two hits. Opponent doesn't want to do evasive maneuvers. I then roll double fives for penetration, getting two glances and taking off the stormraven's last two hull points. It crashes spectacularly, taking the entire death company unit with it. My opponent makes a sad face and surrenders. It was beautiful.

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

I wouldn't want to play against this guy again. I felt he didn't do a proper job of explaining how his army works and has withheld information (namely the fact he kept referring to deep striking as coming from reserve, which to me is extremely misleading, especially since he has taken care to explain his baal predators were outflanking, not coming from reserve, so he was well-aware of the difference), plus he was an extremely slow player. The God-Emperor must've agreed with me on this one, seeing as he has cursed his dice and blessed mine. While I enjoyed tabling his blood angels, the battle ultimately wasn't decided by tactics, but rather by luck and incomplete information. My game plan has actually worked out pretty well despite all this, what with my units remaining mostly safe on my side of the table and his units dying in kill zones I've prepared for him.

FUN FACT: I used to like Blood Angels and their successors. Then I learned that they're jealously guarding the overcharged engine and baal predator STCs and refusing to share them with the rest of the Imperium because they want to be unique snowflakes. Not only is this a dick move towards humanity itself, it's also a dick move towards me because it means I don't get any tanks in Fast Attack slots. I don't know if you've noticed, but I love tanks. Spamming them is a strategy close to my heart and I think it looks really awesome on the tabletop. So fuck blood angels and their successors. Goddamn Twilight-loving mutants.

OVERALL AFTERTHOUGHTS:

I don't like devastators and I don't think they were of much use in this list. When they weren't dead, their vision was usually blocked by my own vehicles. Aside from sergeant Jurgen & gunner Albrecht, they didn't really do anything during the entire tournament. I'm thinking of replacing them with a mmelta/hflamer dread. No, really. The dread is 20 points cheaper and it could man the quad-gun in kill points missions, seeing as it's a model and any model in base contact with the gun can use it. The rest of the time it could leave the quad-gun duty to a missile launcher combat squad and just act like a normal dread. With two vindicators and a LR on the field, it might actually live long enough to assault something.

I'm not sure Manfred needs terminator armor. He rarely leaves the LR anyway. Perhaps I should exchange the dev squad and Manfred's armor for a minimal tactical squad in a las/plas razorback. Or maybe even get rid of Manfred altogether, shuffle some points, and give Heinrich von Strahm – my captain with storm shield, artificer armor, and relic blade – a chance in 6^th edition. He sucks and is overpriced, but at least he'll be useful in most situations and personal warlord traits won't be wasted on him. Thus far, Manfred's powers have been situational at best and only really awesome against daemons, whom I can't beat anyway.

Anyhow, this tournament was doubly awesome because I got to play against two fully painted armies. I don't know about you, but a painted force, even if it's only three basic colors and simple bases, is a lot more enjoyable to play against (and with) than one or two superbly painted squads surrounded by a ton of plastic. Looking forward to the next tourney.

6TH EDITION DARK ANGELS CODEX FIRST IMPRESSIONS:

I'm loving it. Nothing seems over the top, except maybe Azrael. Some stuff is 5-10 pts cheaper, but other stuff is 5-10 pts more expensive, so it evens out. Belial doesn't have the rumored 2++ save and/or heroic intervention, praise the Emperor. Deathwing is awesome, yet also significantly more expensive than vanilla termies. Turbo-boosting knights with speeder shroud getting a 2+ cover save will seem unstoppable until flamers of tzeench kill them all on turn 1 without the DA player being able to do anything about it. Or they don't go first/opponent seizes the initiative and the shroud and half of them get gunned down before they can turbo-boost. Or someone brings a heldrake.

What I dislike about the new book is that generic HQs (except librarians, as these are super-cheap and get access to inexpensive 4++ and not-so-inexpensive-but-still-affordable 3++) are lackluster, especially considering how strong and army-changing SCs are. Whirlwinds and assault marines are still terrible, only cheaper now. Land speeder vengeance is garbage (seriously, aside from deep strike, how is that thing ever going to survive long enough to get in range and kill itself with gets hot?), and the two planes would've been alright if not for the fact vendettas are a bazillion times better. Really, any sensible DA player is going to want 20-30 guardsmen to complement his deathwing/ravenwing, not to mention a blob for Azrael to hide in, so why not take a vendetta too, while they're at it?

Overall, my first impressions are positive. Sadly, the price tag on Belial and the deathwing have pretty much shot down my hopes of using them as an improved version of my usual hammernators. Needless to say, the best thing about the new DA book is that it heralds good stuff for the upcoming vanilla codex. Minimal tac squads having access to a heavy weapon is huge. I can totally see myself fielding a bunch of 5 men squads with plasma cannons and las/plas razorbacks. Command squads for any HQ (not just captains) is another thing I hope to see in the next vanilla dex, and it appears GW has realized fliers need to be pricier, which is neat. Another nice thing is that DA fliers are stormtalon-sized, which is about as large as a flier should be. Vendettas/dragons/stormravens are too damn big. They can't even fit on your average shelf. Who the hell wants to lug models like that around, let alone several of them?

DEEP WISDOM ABOUT CHICKS, KISSING THEM, AND AN OUTLOOK ON LIFE:

An unfortunate event occurred during this year's Serbian New Year party (it happens on 13^th January, nobody knows why, but we always celebrate it because it's yet another reason to dance, get wasted, and stuff our faces with highly caloric food) that we can all draw valuable lessons from.

My younger cousin, we'll refer to him as The Captain, has arrived from Italy (where he's studying at an university) for the winter holidays, and of course he was with us for Serbian New Year. Now, there was a rather hot chick at the party, we'll call her Barely Legal, who was plainly overjoyed with the fact she was surrounded by a bunch of older guys. She was on the prowl and not hiding it, openly eye-ing me and my cousins within minutes of us getting there. I considered going for it, then decided to introduce her to The Captain instead. He is, after all, my young cousin and I wanted him to have some fine memories to take back to Italy with him.

The two of them hit it off right away. Barely Legal is giggling, asking him questions, lingering around him, he seems to be handling the situation well, it's all good. And then it drags on. And on. And on. At one point I realize they've been talking and dancing for like two hours, yet they still aren't making out. She's drunk and so is he. It's as perfect a situation as you can get at a party. But no, nothing happens. I use a couple opportunities when she's not within earshot to tell him to go for it. The Captain still does nothing. It's like he has failed his pinning test and then forgotten to get up at the beginning of the turn. At one point they sit down on a leather sofa that's so narrow their hips are touching and his arm is around her shoulder, and still he does nothing.

Then, in an impressive display of determination and patience, Barely Legal actually puts her legs across his lap, letting him rest his hand on her thighs and knees. Now, stop reading for a moment and picture yourself in that situation. A sexy, drunk chick has been talking and dancing with you for three hours. She has probably spent the last two of those hours wondering why you aren't kissing her yet, and has gotten so desperate to get you to make a move that she's basically sitting in your lap. Seriously, short of grabbing your crotch, a good looking woman can't get more overt than that. I couldn't help but feel deep respect for her. She must have had Stubborn, because she sure as hell didn't let The Captain's passivity affect her morale. Anyway, by now you can guess how this ended. The Captain didn't go for it. No touchdown was made. Barely Legal eventually left with nothing to show for it except a serious case of blue ovaries, and I have gained Rage.

Now, one of my life mottos is: Always err on the side of action. What this means is that, if you're unsure whether you should or should not do something, the answer is always: DO IT, FAGGOT! Not certain if you should go clubbing or stay home? Go clubbing. Can't decide whether to try a new list or keep practicing with your old one? Give the new one a shot. Approach that cute girl at the bar or remain in the limbo of your comfort zone? Approach her. This of course doesn't apply when there are serious consequences to consider (in these situations, decisions must be made on a case-to-case basis), but if you think about it you'll notice most dilemmas people obsess over are devoid of meaningful consequences. By always erring on the side of action, you'll have fewer regrets in life, and people will respect you for being decisive and willing to plunge into the unknown.

Never is this motto as useful as when it comes to getting rid of the inborn male dilemma of whether you should lean over and kiss the girl you're talking to, or wait a bit longer for... What? The perfect romance movie kiss moment? A sign from the Emperor? For her to kiss you? Yeah right, the only women who will do that generally have more than a passing resemblance to a Great Unclean One. It's true that you need some timing when it comes to sticking your tongue down a female's throat for the first time, but why worry yourself sick over it? You've got no investment in this chick, so what's the big deal? When you try to kiss her and she turns her head aside, it doesn't matter because there are no consequences. This rejection can only hurt you if you overvalue it.

In reality, she's just some woman, and there are billions of them in the world, and you'll never see her again, and her opinion of you is based on a single conversation or a single date and as such isn't an accurate reflection of your overall quality as a human being. On the other hand, you now absolutely know where you stand with her, so you can stop wasting time and go hang out with your friends or hit on other girls. How do you think The Captain feels about this entire fiasco? He's pissed off at himself because he didn't even try to get Barely Legal's number. That's the worst thing you can do, as then you'll always be wondering “what if”. Therefore, always err on the side of action and you'll live a more fulfilled life with fewer regrets.

McDonald's Western Sauce is the best hot sauce invented by mankind. I will discover its recipe and replicate it in my kitchen if that's the last thing I do.